mirrors

It's 3 AM in the morning and I've turned twenty for a few days.
The post is titled "Mirrors" just because it's the song I listen to at the moment.

Why am I rambling? Because it would be funny to read this months later from now, right me :D

Just googled my own name and found the fact that this blog didn't appear at all on the results! I have mixed feelings. Sad. Not sad.
Sad for the fact that I haven't updated so much that this blog has become irrelevant and not sad for the fact that this blog contains half of my life that I don't want people to know too much about (hell, then why am I still writing now)

I guess I've grown up a bit too much this year, and considering my few previous blog posts, guess everybody would know why. I'm completely taken aback reading those stuffs though. THAT, apparently, the fluctuation of life, that gets me here.

It would be damn interesting once I have the time to read my blog all over from page 1. See what's different after 5 years.

AND YEAH, I'VE GONE TO NEW YORK and an IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL BEFORE I WAS TWENTY!

ashes of dreams, promises, and hope

“They've promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too.” ― Oscar Wilde

life's been grim these days. workload is fine. health is not good (just gotten into flu all over again whereas i just got better from previous flu in less than 3/4 weeks ago). and my heart a disaster.

yesterday i took a yoga class at the gym. learnt how to inhale-exhale better. this morning i woke up with a heavy heart, just to realize more that the world has been spinning against my path. practiced my yoga lesson, felt better, but skipped this morning class anyway.

lucky, this is not the worst state that i could be.

***

some friends told me to put some distance with him. no, let me refer to him as you. some told me just to move along and be persistent. yea, i could do both without the attachment. the ball and chain attached to my legs is clinging heavily on me.

one thing i've learnt is not to give promises you can keep. be persistent with your action, sync your words into it. i've learnt that another broken heart could be caused by huge disappointments after millions of fake promises... that those "i wanna be with you, and only you." was just a sugarcoated-zero-action words.

when i woke up this morning i realized how many promises have blinded me. that "i'm only busy now, next period i'm yours" is only a periodical lie with you, that next period "i'll probably just end up with a few businesses." but now "we'll see later." "please be patient with my goals." hitting the ground back after you fed me with so many incoherent promises was another story, but one thing you should know for sure, your sadness is not the only one to tell.

i think you should learn your limit. can't have everything in life all at once, baby. you know, a relationship is like growing a plant, if you don't water, fertilize, and take care of it, it dies.

i don't want any more promises, and you have proven yourself there is no long term, persistent, focused action that i can expect of you.

let me live in a world of my peace. it's the last thing you can promise me.

getting skinny

So in the mood for losing my weight. Yeah! The power of getting skinny!!! Go be skinny bitches!!! LOL. Aiming for a body like Scarlett Johansson...
Uh oh YOMS! ",

Meanwhile, life's been pretty much a bumpy roller-coaster ride. No time for some indulging me-time. Sleep deprived. Uncooperative external support. Yeaaaaa, fuck.
Soon I'll be like some gothic nerd with social hatred, ha ha just kidding.

Watched the movie "Beautiful Mind" several days ago... John Nash's life really got me on my nerve in a way of saying "Tessa is so stupid in Economics". I'm like, nothing, compared to everyone out there with their high achievements so on and so forth. Truth is, I question myself so much nowadays, am I really ready to prepare for my already-near "future"? Sad and suck.

Ok my mood is really grim since I haven't had a proper rest for a while. Living so much dependent on coffee. Hff

Gotta go and give a fuck to my lectures. Hail bed! Skipping 2 classes today kthxbye. YEAY!

new days

What busy days has taught me: trying to pull things through in the midst of fuckedupness. Lesson learnt...

Well I haven't updated since forever while life's pacing rapidly within and around me, clock is still ticking, and monkeys evolving. Right now I'm working on a project, in a competition by Nescafe with mates Satrio, Louis, and Vito. Also got my hands full with events: KOMPeK 15th and Jazz Goes to Campus 35th. I've never thought I can pull things through, but here I am living and making the most out of it with my friends, best friends, boyfriend, and esp. family :)

So to come to think of it, I'm in a holiday right now for God's sake and He knows how busy it's been. Haven't learnt how to drive, stupidly. Currently surprised with the new blogger interface (He knows how long Iven't posted anything). Trying to do some sweet wake up call to my sleepyhead boyfriend (which prolly be sleeping sound at this late moment)... and so on... so on...

So the report is.. this holiday I went for vacation to Lombok-Gili Trawangan-Bali with my family. Not that far away from home, but those are beautiful islands indeed.

West Lombok. Very-very beautiful view for free.

Gili Trawangan. Try snorkeling and diving in this island. Dip a little and the exotic fishes are in front of your eyes!

Local dinner: nasi campur! Try the grilled fish + beer, my parents seemed to like it.

Nice paddy fields in the back of Monkey Forest in Ubud. Just a peek from my hotel's windowsill.

Bebek Bengil (The Dirty Duck Diner). Crisp fried duck to get your tummy stuffed.

Naughty Nuri's. Tried the martini and it was the best value for money. Every sip is worth it.

Babi Guling Bu Oka. If you don't want to queue, try walking/driving a bit further from the one at Tegalalang, turn right and walk +- 50m. Et voila!

Reaaaaaaaally miss this trip!

2012

HAPPY (late) NEW YEAR 2012!

It's been 4 months since I last posted, and so much happiness has glowed in between :)

Djakarta Warehouse Project with Anastasia Michelle, early Dec '11 at Tennis Indoor Senayan

Canteen eX, Dec '11 :)

Reunion of old times, xoxo {}

Union, Dec '11 *same outfit with prev pic, same night -.-*

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012!

Social House, 31Dec-01Jan! There went my lil sis unpictured.

So the much happy new life in 2012 consists of maintaining my weight balanced! LOL. I ate so much in weekends, thanks to my friends and family. Mom and sis continuous crave for sushi had kept me stuffed every Sunday after church these days, meanwhile grandfather is so apt to taking new culinary experiences on recent good food. Just tried Sopra and Paradise Dynasty on the other day... both have exquisite offers on its specialty menu! (later advice on both, Sopra: try the pizza and veal chop... Idk, the chop is deep fried to perfection. Paradise Dynasty: of course try the xiao long bao, and la mian! :3)

The university life is much less enjoyable than it had previously seemed, though life is fair and God is good. I love these days nevertheless!

Cheers to all my best friends, yet still this sweet gentleman is my abundant source of happiness at the moment... Yeaay ;)

Love you A! :)
*ok, I know the picture effect is beyond understandable cheesiness*

Previously, I had been smitten much to my personal tumblr to the point I've never written anything not so personal here at all. Catch some more later, gotta study hard for the current finals :* I really miss blog writing!

new life. completely

hello! its been forever since my last update, EVERYTHING, like, literally EVERYTHING has completely changed so much in between, i can't help not to explain.

I'm now officially an undergrad student, got accepted in my first choice: Department of Economics, Faculty of Economics University of Indonesia. it feels so different to be an undergrad freshman, afterall, high school is the best thing you can have in life I guesssss!

haven't been partying or having fun much except being some kind of an active student in campus. well i had better to build a new network of friends, huh? considering SO MANY MANY MANY of my lovely besties are moving abroad last june-aug. only some of them left in indonesia, moreover in jakarta, so its quite getting on my nerve what a lonely birthday i'm gonna have this year, despite my new friends and acquaintances in the campus.

as for information, i'm now also officially taken and it's been going for almost 4 months in 3 days time. i know, it sounds really lame for not posting here for too long. i feel quite weird too.
i've mentioned him quite some time before in this blog, with the lovey lovey title too. haha :) so maybe the news won't be so new...

attended Nikicio Mixte S/S 12 fashion show yesterday :) i love the patterns. also loved the previous mixte collection actually, but (uhm) not the sizing. :(
hopefully the new collection (which will be fully in Goods Dept on November) will do the size for me.

in the prev week i just had a very busy college life indeed. lesson learnt is put yourself into the rightest organisation or committee so you can fully get yourself into it. i mean, now i've already had the experiences doing something i not at all loved.

everything is going normal except my currently sick body. well, birthday is coming in 6 days, i better ask for a medical check up as a reminder of "birthday present" to my parents. you know, i think i lack the good health most of people have. well... hopefully not though.

i can't say i love my new life, but i couldn't ask for less :)

good days

i just realized (again) that it's already june! 2011 has gone half the year. big things are eventually happening.

i had my high school promenade night on friday previous week (may 27th), definitely one of the most memorable night in  life, though it had gone thoroughly extremely different to what i was dreaming of for the first 2 years of my high school...

made the prom dress (designer: Renzi Lazuardi)

inspired by Elie Saab Haute Couture Fall 2011

also made a tattoo (thanks to Dickstattoo!)
 and a wonderful up-do with braids (thanks to Bobby!)

funny how things have changed after a year.

even so, i managed to have a lot of fun! i was one of the committees too, took part in giving the theme and decoration idea: moulin rouge, and gone deep into my creative side by designing the invitations for both students and teachers.

had an after-party accident though, ran out-of-breath and coughed for something like half an hour? haha, and got some of my best friends panicked during the asthma-like attack. thank God i have caring best friends <3

finally i'm 90% finished with college entrance test, by doing the SNMPTN this week (tue-wed), hopefully i will get a seat in faculty of econs UI. gonna be really terrible if something else occurs instead...
i also had my TOEFL test last sunday, done pretty awful on that. i went all sleepy during the listening part, so, you know... hopefully i'll get a decent score.

on a good side, i'm accepted in Prasetiya Mulya Business School, with a grade A as an addition, but i haven't responded to them yet, hopefully if i'm gonna make it as a second option i will still have a chance till monday (or else i'm gonna have to register somewhere else). hhh

this university stuffs is pretty much confusing.

now i'm totally in a holy-day! got nothing to do since yesterday, been watching dvds to fill my spare time. my body is totally ill since wednesday, been catching cold, and severely frequently blowing the mucus outta my nose. there are some red patches around my nose now... hhhh.
there's also this tiny tinge with the shade of green on my right pointer nail, of which caused by an accident of me pinned my right pointer when i closed my car door friday last week. well, i guess some clumsiness haunts me forever and pops up here and there... at the most unexpected time (it happened on friday afternoon, just right before my promenade, with a french manicure done on it!)

i have some things to do on my to do list, which i'll go right away after i'm back on track in good health. some things like mandarin lang course, french or dutch lang course, some literature reading, driving course (this is getting important considering i can't even drive till now), learning how to cook homemade traditional indonesian meals, and of course getting some decent trips and vacations!

today is june 4th (yap i guess everyone can read that above), but the date 4 means something more to me every month since 2011 :) yeehaa. love life is great, expecting him to come any moment soon to pick me up for lunch, and i'm already very very starving. maybe i'll go all frenzy by the time i eat my meal. not good not good for a date... hahahaha

have a pleasant weekend! (wholeheartedly wishing to myself this time)

slow

May has gone and passed really slow. I wanna click a fast forward button to June! But wait, eventually things will come right away and its right time...

I'm thinking to move to tumblr, somehow tumblr makes it easy to pour my mind out in no time, in short words, in rudimentary statements with artificial meaning, haha.

Somehow I'd like to make my writings simpler...
I've changed. :)

long long journey

High school is over.
Next week the result of final examination will finally be announced.
Class Bali trip: done last week... total fun, though the crowd was too large for my liking.
Love life is nice. Can't ask for more :)
Next step: university! May 31st & June 1st!

FIGHT.

high school

today is the last day of me attending classes in high school, studying, and stuffs. which also means the last day of Teresa Puspita Saraswati going to school wearing uniform to play around with friends, enjoying the spare time, etc. etc. i literally have only another 4 days of national final exams ahead.

taking a deeper enclosure to things, i'm not so prepared to swallow the fact that i'm gonna leave high school so soooon! it's been 3 damn years of journey, full of laughters, knowledges, tears, once-in-a-lifetime-experiences, etc., and it's so hard for me to close the book and end the journey... well i had too much fun i guess, hadn't i? :))

celebrated this last day by throwing a FUNFOODRINK PARTY with my class, XII A 1, which turned out to be a huge success! i'm so glad that everyone had fun, even my friends from the other classes. everyone in the class participated really enthusiastically and that made this event even moreee fun :)
i brought some fruits: grapes, salaks, and oranges... my friend ajie even brought homemade chocolate truffles and rumball, there were wotie by cv, macaroni schotel by bella, doughnuts, pempek, etc... even ribka brought us a bottle of baileys which toppled up the party!
i played dj by playing the music on, while aa and ajie even brought oven to the class just to reheat things, hahaha... everything was worth the effort though, love my class so much <3

thanks to everyone who had thoroughly supported the whole event though, including those mouths who had helped us to finish all the fooood! hahaha

anyway, even though today was a blast of fun, the feeling of leaving high school creates a huge hole that sinks in my heart... i keep imagining things like going to school, and sitting on my seat in the class, with ajie, aha, pempi, caca, joco, cv, aa, bagong, thomas, abok, bella, jewe, cheryl, and ribka nearby... joking and fooling around...
skipping classes, playing truant, and even going karaoke instead of school... aww. my high school days is all about fun i guess.

i'm so gonna miss this adolescent days!

best friends forever, :) (aa, me, ajie, pempi)

focus

i've made a priority list at least till i'm done with national final exams (UN), and i won't go out till then. focus! focus! focus for a better future and good marks upon graduating high school :)

say no to hectic life

i've been drowning in exhaustion a lot these days, flying off from headache to another headache after staying till the darkest hours in the morning... of course, the causes hadn't always been studying.
it seems that life's putting so much happiness and new stuffs within :)

i had been going to kemang for 2 weeks in a row every saturday night, it feels weird to have such an uncommon place to chill out and spend my weekend, so unlikely with the usual going outs to malls and parties and stuffs.

i miss those partying days! :) now that most of my friends have turned 17, its only ribka's birthday next week that i could look forward to for another party. well, yeah. people get older. (and the troubles that follow get so much more complicated :( )

i just read my sister blog again (after a long time) and amazed by the amount she has grown up. she's an amazing blogger! check her blog out at http://shintawijnayu.blogspot.com
i think i'm gonna help her make a better layout for her blog once i have lots of spare time ;)

partied down the night last saturday at cheryl's, my best friend :). i'm so gonna miss high school, can't believe it's only a month from now before i'm finished with all these high school stuffs.
it hasn't struck me though. damn it, i think it's only yesterday that i got into SMAK 1 and got thru the orientation days, taking the staircases to 8th floor, etc, :(

ribka and me, cheryl's party at segarra

me wearing: zara s/s 11 tanktop, trf night sequined skirt, xsml loose nude cardigan, zara a/w 10 patent leather pumps

i wish days like that happen everyday instead of this school final examinations i'm having tomorrow ;( wish me all the best of luck health and spirit please!

november: happy and content!

my cutest birthday gift so far: babo bird!

halloween party at penabur international class, oct 29th
dressed up as a flower-goddess wannabe ha-ha! quite a look-alike eh?

halloween party at tribeca oct 30-31th

dine in: hachi hachi at central park nov 5

jakarta culinary festival at grand indonesia, nov 6

europe on screen! at goethe hauss nov 9

supper at 7-11 menteng after europe on screen!

tante indira and om stef wedding, at kristus salvator church nov 13

watching: megamind 3d at ex nov 13

watched harry potter last week before exam. it's the best installment of harry potter i think so far, because maybe somehow by dividing the movie into 2 parts it loads more details from the book compared to previous potter movies. so i was quite satisfied the moment i left the studio.
watched it with ribka ajie and gilbert.

last...

hectic yet happy school days with friends!

too many posts will erase your mind

okay the title is so random. i just had sent my previous blog post minutes ago, and here i am typing again. looks like its really a 'blogging day' i had mentioned on my 1st post today, but i'm really doing it now...

i analyzed something about myself all of this past year, that is, i get crazy about a particular guy before i fall in love with him, but the falling part takes really long time. haha.
ohu-kay thats a #randomfact HAHA

i miss someone right now, and i cant tell him right away cos i'm afraid to break the smooth and good term i've been keeping since 2 days ago. sadly it seems to me that he doesnt look like in the mood to talk about anything loveydovey....hmm.
well i dont really care if he later reads this post and acknowledges that this was about him though................ i just have the need to tell it. and i guess its too 'errrr' to tell such thing to a living soul (in this case i mean... friends).

i have a thought, that blogs are lacking something: emoticons. i think it's gonna be useful to put little emoticons here and there with a real icon not just :) :( :] :p etc, cos i kinda need it right now, hahaha.

i think i need to cheer up a little: the more i write the more i seem to be drowning in my own pool of gloom to everyone who reads it...or should i say myself, haha... okay.

laaaw of attraction: happy happy happy im happy im happy im happy im happy!
(success!, i'm smiling stupidly now.)

absurdity

i've been spending a lot of days outside my house so far, at i'm writing this on the late 2nd week of my holiday.
you know, things are working greeaat. my holiday has been good so far, and i'm grateful. though i hate that i didnt take as many pics as possible back these days. its just, its good to be remembered and yet i dont have anything to memorize it

my blog post is titled absurdity, AND, i dont even know why i put that as the title. maybe because the fact that i dont know why i put that its absurd enough, or because what i'm typing in this post is not even connected to each other despite being the "going-ons" stuffs in my life

i wanna spend the whole day writing here but that would be an absolute nonsense because 1: i dont think its a waste of time, its just the following days everyone can just read my thoughts, so... well i dont really like the idea of everyone knowing my every thought. 2: i would get a sore back and flatten my ass by the end of the day... haha, i know, sooo not important. 3: i'm afraid that some people would get the wrong impressions and irritated at me

these past 2 days i felt like i've been missing a best friend, like, you know, someone to spend the fun with. its like no one's there when you're just sitting idly at home, watching tv and switching through the channels... its fun, though may sound boring, yet it gives this lonely feeling to my head.
i'd been feeling all gloomy yesterday, i dont know what's the real cause, but its like the loneliness crept in my head... haha. sounds scary.

i'd also been reading twilight yesterday. the book was good, the romance is EXAGGERATED. HA! even without knowing who the author is, i could even guess that the writer's a woman.
i mean look at the perfectly flawless edward cullen and the oh-so-fragile bella swan. okay it sounds a bit sinister, but i got a point there, right girls?

my loved one is going to australia tomorrow for the whole following week, so i guess the days will be lonelier than ever this time. i've got some stuffs to occupy myself though so hopefully i can make it unscratched ha-ha-ha, if you know what i mean.
this morning he told me about some good tees on the net, and it's really good and tagged at quite-friendly price. i'm planning in ordering and currently browsing through the webstore(s) now... i have never done online shopping before and perhaps this will be my 1st experience! ha ha. i'm gonna post about it if i've already bought & received the tees!

jump to another topic! yeah, now about my eating habit. and sleep time. i gained some kilos over these days... and i'm not gonna mention how many, but i feel like i've to cut down my weight twice or even thrice the amount i've gained. about my sleep time, well... these previous days had made me slept early in the morning, almost at dawn, and waking up early in the afternoon, quite exactly at brunch time, haha... that makes me skip breakfast and in risk of eating too much.
so, i guess i've to start to work on both of these issues before turning into a fat pig on the first day of school -____-

i've mentioned about universities, my next step higher education in previous post... well, this is still huge and big clouds to me. i need to talk to my parents and some family members about this issue but its just... so.confusing.ergh.

okay, got to shower, or i'm going to type an endless rant about my days here...

boring high school student rant

FINALLY I'M OFFICIALLY A TWELFTH GRADER - AND NOT SO HAPPY ABOUT IT!

yo you know, i have to decide about what major i'm into, which university should i attend to, and the indonesian final exam so called UN, etc etc. i think i'm going bald.

meanwhile, it's holiday right now. i have to decide all of that in this freakingly short one month in the midst of having my own holiday time.

i've narrowed down my options to BUSINESS SCHOOL with concentration on finance & marketing... but can you tell me what's the best business school in indonesia? do they have that majors?

SO, i have another burden, well, if i'm staying in indo (which is quite the possible option), i'm gonna have to take a more well-round major, like, engineering, or, medical(?) to have a (slightly) better future

i dislike rantings like this on my blog, well, this means i can't find the solution for the time being, and time flies really. i could just imagine it was yesterday that i was doing that registration entry test to smak 1, my shs, and now i'm already a 12th-grader.... UHMAZING.
and its not that i passed the previous school year without any hard work. there were only little ups and lots of downs.

one thing to show gratitude at is, other than these stuffs, life's been good, if not great. God's fair, i believe in Him, ha ha. my grades were okay. parents've been good, and my holiday has also been great. lovelife? uuum, lovely :).
ok think that's enough update for now :D

@_@

kadang kamu tau kamu harusnya be thankful Tuhan kabulin semua wishes kamu
kamu sudah berdoa jungkirbalik nangisnangis buat itu semua
tapi ternyata setelah semuanya jadi nyata, itu semua enggak cukup, Tuhan ciptakan kamu dengan kapabilitas yang lain
ternyata apa yang kamu dapet sudah bukan yang kamu mau seperti sedia kala, yang kamu mau datang dengan bungkus yg berbeda
apa kamu tahu rasanya?
tetap bersyukur tapi bingung bagaimana cara menerimanya yang paling baik

sebab packagingnya hambar
sebab hanya sebagian yang manis

berapa lama butuh berorientasi sampai bisa bersyukur sepenuhnya atas yang Tuhan berikan pun enggak tahu

apalagi kalau wish kamu itu seorang makhluk, yg punya perasaan sendiri, punya pengalaman sendiri, punya kapabilitas sendiri

di sini semuanya jadi barisbaris panjang, aku menulis bukan pendekpendek lagi

sebab semuanya jadi panjang dan berlikuliku, jalannya jadi tidakmulus, tidak semulus berdoa pada Tuhan dan semulus Tuhan berencana ngabulin doadoa saya

ok stop disini aku mau mulai baru lagi...

gimana rasanya menerima perubahan ke objek pelampiasan sayang?

perubahan itu ada, kamu selalu pengen bikin perubahan, tapi waktu perubahan itu datang, kamu pasti gak akan siap. kamu hanya bisa mencoba kan?
gimana kalau kapabilitas kamu gak segitu, kamu sangat gak suka perubahan hidup kamu, perubahan sekeliling kamu
aku pakai pendekatan dari general ke inti deh
gimana kalau perubahan ini datang dari orang yang kamu sayang, orang yang sayang sama kamu, yang berubah sedikit demi sedikit tapi sekarang sudah banyak
gimana kalau kamu biasanya disayangsayang sekarang rasanya seperti teman tapi sayang
gimana kalau kamu mengingat kamu biasanya bersama dia setiap malam langsung mendengar suaranya sekarang kamu hanya bisa membayangkan rupanya lewat tulisantulisannya
kamu tak tahu emosinya
gimana kalau kamu dulunya diingatkan kamu kesayangan tapi sekarang kamu nomer kesekian
gimana kalau dulu janjijanji yang kalian buat itu nyata tapi sekarang hanya diawangawang, hanya periodikal, hanya sebatas sesaat yang indah
gimana kalau kamu biasanya dimanja dan dicari kemanamana tapi sekarang kesayangan kamu kurang suka kamu mencari dirinya saat kesepian karena dia punya prioritas nomer 1, 2, dan sekian
gimana kalau kamu sayang tapi kamu hanya nggak kuat nerima perubahan itu semua (semoga saat ini saja) dan enggak tau gimana cara bertahan
gimana kalau kamu pengen sekali santai tapi kamu kangen sekali dan walaupun sibuk sekali tetap ingat sama dia, yg juga kamu nggak ngerti kenapa bisa jadi demikian
gimana kalau dulu tulisantulisan dia selalu ingat sama kamu dan sekarang hanya orangorang lain, kamu cuman disimpan di hati (masih bagus di hati), kamu memang nggak ada disitu lagi sekarang
dan gimana kalau dari dulu sampai sekarang kamu selalu kekurangan pengakuan, walaupun aku enggak mementingkan pengakuan, tapi perempuan mana yang enggak mau diakui sama kesayangannya

kamu punya pertanyaan yang sama dengan aku?
bantu aku jawab dan selesaikan ya

heroine loves hero

wishing that one day, my lover will tell me that...i'm his greatest lover! :) afterall, the zodiacfacts had said it. HAHA. and anyway, its great to know you're someone's greatest lover since... i know how great it feels! i had back then called a guy as my best boyfriend, and he's definitely given me the best feeling in the world: to be fully and completely loved!
okay, stop the public-sharing

Anyway, my life's been good! (yeah, for real! like, finally, duh. i can stop whining on my blog. but school stuffs' still pressuring on my head) and truth is, i'm gonna thank everyone who had been with me through the rough days i'd been having last month, indeed.

Like the first i wanna thank my family =) my dad's like my only precious best friend!! he gave one of the best comfort i've ever shared with A FRIEND. he'd waken up in nights when i was really down and hugging me till the next morning...haha. it was really useful since i hardly cud fall asleep back then. he's also the best comforter and hope-giver AND the one who gave me the most discouragement NOT to move on in the best way (and i thought that's good, because if people do it in an obvious way, i wudnt even have given it a second thought). thanks pak :D. love you. also i thank my mom for scolding me for crying on things that's not worth crying for (because they didn't even give a damn back then...well), and of course, my sister! who'd been patiently there to wake up on nights when i wasn't even sober enough to think clearly.

Now, my best best friends :) believe me or not, i have some bunches of the best people you could ask for in life. i can't put anyone on the second place, so there go everyone who's been there all day on my first day of being brokenhearted! ha! thank you maura for being so patient through my ups and downs, novita for insisting me to accept all the heart-breaking reality (and even scolding me for that fact, HA!), cla for the SEMANGGAT! yeah you go baby, i was very much alive because of you. i thanked aileen for the best old sayings 'kalo jodoh gak kemana' and for the patience and the time u've spent accompanying me, thanksss ijie for the insider info ;) and the "conspiracy", and life-experiences u've shared.

for the following days after, i thank everyone who's been there for me like, EVERYDAY. you can't guess maybe how would my rantings affect their ears and days, but believe me, they're really understanding. here goes my gratitude for stephanie e., nike, and emily! there goes one word for you: muach. and another 3 words: i love you!!. thank you jessica w. for the prince charming-compliment, hopefully, one day, i would end up with my own prince charming yes =]. thank you randi for covering my sadness between lessons and cheering me up with some most-amusing-jokes in life :p. yeah, we both freaks, bwek! thanks sasa for sharing the guys-trouble, you gave me an example of great patience in enduring things, HA! thank you to cynthia for the laughter to ease the loneliness and "every little thing, is gonna be alright", bob marley rocks yaa, :D. thank you jordy, gilbert, and adrianus a., for the boyish advices, for the great time and being such great companions and listeners, also for the time and wise responds :)

okay, save the best for the last! no, maybe it's unfair to say the best, but then, they (though so did everyone else) had (and have perhaps, though no loneliness' included now) the real supporters when everything was empty and i got so lonely: thank you mr alden martin pasaribu and ms stella theresa winarto! haha big hugss for you both. can't you imagine a cooler friend than one that's there when you call for a shoulder to cry on, and has to take care of his own ride to home afterwards (HA-HA), or perhaps for a pair of ears to be an attentive listener? :)

welllll.. thank you so much for all the favors, hopefully i also can be a best friend to you all. i love you all like soooooooo much :3 hehe

holiday, so far!

yoho, this holiday has been pleasurable so far to me. last saturday i went to pim for idoan's birthday... at hanamasa! his treat! haha. eat till drop.
then sunday brought nothing.

on monday afternoon i went to ex with gilbert and aa :D. we watched imaginarium of dr. parnassus, an interesting movie with good graphic and incomprehensible ending. ended up eating at pizza e birra... haha. we three talked till drop (or so it was) but on 5 gilbert and aa had another schedule going on so we departed. they're the best guy bffs ever! :)

on tue-thu, i was like really busy. since morning i'd prepared stuffs i was going to bring to se e's crib: i was going there for a sleepover! so in most of my activities all day i had to bring a whole big blue bag which was filled with clothes-mine!

in the afternoon i went to visit indra at the hospital: he's having a dengue fever. get well soon dra! i visited him with the most effort ever, since i had to take busway to meet jojo at plaza senayan to go to siloam with him. i was running late by half an hour because i tripped on my way (bringing that sucked big blue bag and my sandals got wrecked and my feet hurt), and i had to take a taxi. -_-" arriving at ps, straightly picked up by jojo after my feet landed on the lobby. ha-ha.

after visiting indra i was dropped by jojo at mall taman anggrek. i looked like a maid from far away java land ready to go home (mudik) or someone looking for a job. decided to take a taxi from MTA to my physics course (imagine that! i still have a phys course on holiday, nananana)
doing my physics course with my big blue bag in tow. you know, another crazy part of the day is that i took a bajaj ride with nike from my physics course to cl (because we're going to meet my friend emily there to go to se.e's crib together). we really did look like two maids going home to far away java land! ha!

finally met emily and apparently she's with her bf, steve. back then it was raining, so we postponed our departure and waited inside cl till the rain stops. se.e was waiting confusedly because it took so long time for us to go to her crib, hahahahahahaha. then we took a busway and picked up at the shelter by steve's gahul dad. finally arriving at se.e's crib the sleepover place!!! i was so tired like an old lady by the age of 80.

the sleepover itself was really fun, there were nike and emily as i have mentioned, though on the 2nd day nike went home earlier. i ate like a pig! and se e was like satisfying all my food crave:pizza to kwetiau, hahahaha. on the 2nd day we went to central park by transjakarta, but nike then was picked by her brother and replaced by caca! ate jcool, and almost feel asleep there, we four were very-very sleepy. central park was also very deserted... many shops haven't even opened yet.

then at night, me, se e, emily and her bf, steve, who's se.e's neighbor, went to a nearby eatery called cafe 12. haha i was like uber sleepy and just too lazy to move my feet.
now i miss them :( huhu they're like the most understanding girlfriends ever :) haha

yesterday, i went to mediterania garden 2. had some minor accident on the way: traffic jam, had to accompany my sister to her friend's birthday at ex, etc., so it took me almost 2 hours to reach the apartment. i also have an appointment with my classmate about a drama assignment in the same place... so it took me another one hour before i finally went up to aa's crib. haha

there were pempi, sasa, jordy, aa, ajie, and gilbert. huba's arriving late. helped pempi cooking cream sauce for the fettuccini! the fettuccini was uber delicious except for the excessive amount of cheese i poured into it HAHA. though we were running out of gas and had to use electric stove which was really a pain in the ass since it doesn't heat as effective as a gas stove -_-"
also watched 3/4 part of liverpool vs man. utd match there, after the 2nd man utd goal we all went to ps. haha.

watched the hurt locker at cinema, not my fave genre ever, but it was worth watching. the story is about IED and soldiers in iraq. bombs, wars, and guns.

went to my grandpa's crib at night and picked by my daddy.
got to go now, i have to buy some fabrics for my dancing assignment: i have to make a dancing costume by my own! isn't that uber cool? haha. well, it's gonna be a really busy day, since in the afternoon i have to take a travel-bus to bandung to take care of some matter (as in real payable business baby! my first paid job! hahaha)

the craziest thing is, at the end of the day, at times i found myself still missing a particular presence in my life. hahaha love is unexplainable.

lonely amongst the crowd

mom said she doesnt believe her eyes when she saw me crying for all that irrational stuffs in this world, despite me always being logical and rational at times. she thought that i'm her only child who can control her emotion very well --- mom, it was like, months ago. i had been somehow a bit unstable these days, toppled by 'the raging hormones'. now that i've regained my composure, i still have to light up my life to my expectations. there are always some rocks on the path... like right now, when everything's finally done, my PMS, whatever, another thing is hitting me. i don't know mom, i don't know.



meanwhile, tomorrow is friday. there's a loop for chance that i'm getting a chance! haha. but playing chances without external-support is just like a time bomb, everything you pile to yourself may get you into trouble. it has to be double sided. so i feel like saying i prefer to let things flow like the way it used to be... but everything is open to be talked and discussed.
:)

anyway, apart from everything, i'm inviting everyone to come to my house, chilling and buzzing around! haha :) its great to have a companion.