Picture Perfect Memories

I lament:

As the clock ticks
My playlist ringing on repeat
It's been a long time since you're home,
next to me.
Dusty frames rendering our smiles

Sadly the sun will eventually set,
We'll never be the same for good
The gap in my heart aches
As the memories wash in
If only the pictures could speak a thousand words

How could one miss only the memory?
When even the fairy tale in the picture is thousand miles away,
perhaps forever has ceased.

Could somebody slow down the clock?
Yesterday has never felt that far away.

mirrors

It's 3 AM in the morning and I've turned twenty for a few days.
The post is titled "Mirrors" just because it's the song I listen to at the moment.

Why am I rambling? Because it would be funny to read this months later from now, right me :D

Just googled my own name and found the fact that this blog didn't appear at all on the results! I have mixed feelings. Sad. Not sad.
Sad for the fact that I haven't updated so much that this blog has become irrelevant and not sad for the fact that this blog contains half of my life that I don't want people to know too much about (hell, then why am I still writing now)

I guess I've grown up a bit too much this year, and considering my few previous blog posts, guess everybody would know why. I'm completely taken aback reading those stuffs though. THAT, apparently, the fluctuation of life, that gets me here.

It would be damn interesting once I have the time to read my blog all over from page 1. See what's different after 5 years.

AND YEAH, I'VE GONE TO NEW YORK and an IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL BEFORE I WAS TWENTY!

Deadly Storm Light Thunder

sings Adhitia Sofyan

Would you call if me if you can
I'm waiting underneath it all
All the mess and the chaos you've caused
Now you're nowhere to be found

So tell me I'm trying to define
The meaning of unconditional love
When it puts you faced down on the ground
You're out there sailing away

And maybe a deadly storm will come and catch you
Lightning thunder will strike you
It hits your head so hard you'll come to me

It's all right I totally understand
They're greener on the other side
And the sun will shine brighter everyday

I guess that's where all the light goes

And I'm ok, I hope the best for you
Remember to go out and have fun
You could spend the day out in the ocean
I heard the water is fine out there

I guess I'll learn to come by without you
And somewhere out there I'm sure God is watching you close

But then maybe His deadly storm will come and catch you
Lightning thunder will strike you
It hits your head so hard you'll come to me

---

Funny how this song somehow rings a bell.

ashes of dreams, promises, and hope

“They've promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too.” ― Oscar Wilde

life's been grim these days. workload is fine. health is not good (just gotten into flu all over again whereas i just got better from previous flu in less than 3/4 weeks ago). and my heart a disaster.

yesterday i took a yoga class at the gym. learnt how to inhale-exhale better. this morning i woke up with a heavy heart, just to realize more that the world has been spinning against my path. practiced my yoga lesson, felt better, but skipped this morning class anyway.

lucky, this is not the worst state that i could be.

***

some friends told me to put some distance with him. no, let me refer to him as you. some told me just to move along and be persistent. yea, i could do both without the attachment. the ball and chain attached to my legs is clinging heavily on me.

one thing i've learnt is not to give promises you can keep. be persistent with your action, sync your words into it. i've learnt that another broken heart could be caused by huge disappointments after millions of fake promises... that those "i wanna be with you, and only you." was just a sugarcoated-zero-action words.

when i woke up this morning i realized how many promises have blinded me. that "i'm only busy now, next period i'm yours" is only a periodical lie with you, that next period "i'll probably just end up with a few businesses." but now "we'll see later." "please be patient with my goals." hitting the ground back after you fed me with so many incoherent promises was another story, but one thing you should know for sure, your sadness is not the only one to tell.

i think you should learn your limit. can't have everything in life all at once, baby. you know, a relationship is like growing a plant, if you don't water, fertilize, and take care of it, it dies.

i don't want any more promises, and you have proven yourself there is no long term, persistent, focused action that i can expect of you.

let me live in a world of my peace. it's the last thing you can promise me.

long, long time ago

OMG. Looking at this post bit.ly/SDlywV
Reminds me that it's been so loooooooong ago! :(
Before bad things happened and disappopopopopointing stuffs. hff

getting skinny

So in the mood for losing my weight. Yeah! The power of getting skinny!!! Go be skinny bitches!!! LOL. Aiming for a body like Scarlett Johansson...
Uh oh YOMS! ",

Meanwhile, life's been pretty much a bumpy roller-coaster ride. No time for some indulging me-time. Sleep deprived. Uncooperative external support. Yeaaaaa, fuck.
Soon I'll be like some gothic nerd with social hatred, ha ha just kidding.

Watched the movie "Beautiful Mind" several days ago... John Nash's life really got me on my nerve in a way of saying "Tessa is so stupid in Economics". I'm like, nothing, compared to everyone out there with their high achievements so on and so forth. Truth is, I question myself so much nowadays, am I really ready to prepare for my already-near "future"? Sad and suck.

Ok my mood is really grim since I haven't had a proper rest for a while. Living so much dependent on coffee. Hff

Gotta go and give a fuck to my lectures. Hail bed! Skipping 2 classes today kthxbye. YEAY!

new days

What busy days has taught me: trying to pull things through in the midst of fuckedupness. Lesson learnt...

Well I haven't updated since forever while life's pacing rapidly within and around me, clock is still ticking, and monkeys evolving. Right now I'm working on a project, in a competition by Nescafe with mates Satrio, Louis, and Vito. Also got my hands full with events: KOMPeK 15th and Jazz Goes to Campus 35th. I've never thought I can pull things through, but here I am living and making the most out of it with my friends, best friends, boyfriend, and esp. family :)

So to come to think of it, I'm in a holiday right now for God's sake and He knows how busy it's been. Haven't learnt how to drive, stupidly. Currently surprised with the new blogger interface (He knows how long Iven't posted anything). Trying to do some sweet wake up call to my sleepyhead boyfriend (which prolly be sleeping sound at this late moment)... and so on... so on...

So the report is.. this holiday I went for vacation to Lombok-Gili Trawangan-Bali with my family. Not that far away from home, but those are beautiful islands indeed.

West Lombok. Very-very beautiful view for free.

Gili Trawangan. Try snorkeling and diving in this island. Dip a little and the exotic fishes are in front of your eyes!

Local dinner: nasi campur! Try the grilled fish + beer, my parents seemed to like it.

Nice paddy fields in the back of Monkey Forest in Ubud. Just a peek from my hotel's windowsill.

Bebek Bengil (The Dirty Duck Diner). Crisp fried duck to get your tummy stuffed.

Naughty Nuri's. Tried the martini and it was the best value for money. Every sip is worth it.

Babi Guling Bu Oka. If you don't want to queue, try walking/driving a bit further from the one at Tegalalang, turn right and walk +- 50m. Et voila!

Reaaaaaaaally miss this trip!