let's be brutally honest

Hi blog, been missing you for long.

I'm currently updating from a very random place on a sunny, good morning :)
Listened to the song Reload from my headset, and can't help not to reflect on how my life has been going like a roller coaster these past few months!

To name a few, I just slept only for good 2,75 hours last night, to wake up so early this morning, do some papers, work on my project on 10 AM, and the list goes on... Lol

MEANWHILE,
Even being a roller coaster ride, life can't get any more fun! One random thought: just realized how much I've grown up from a kissing memory. Lol I know how vulgar it is to post it online. But you just know you just get older when your kisses now involve more booze and less consciousness.

Another random thought: I am now older because I (can) drink black coffee for breakfast. A few years back that would be a laughable fact.

And last but not least, me being brutally honest as usual, I am in love again :) Let's hope for the best. I am tired of heartbreaks, losing people from my life, and starting over again. Let this lasts. I know how cliche that may sound, but after all this time.......

Amen.

locked out of heaven

Never had much faith in love or miracles
Never wanna put my heart on the line
But swimming in your water is something spiritual
I'm born again every time you spend the night

'Cause you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah, you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long

Been busy having the time of my life. Living high on the line baby! Life is scrumptiously awesome! My friends are fuckin' awesome!!!

ignorance is bliss

Hello there again, blog.
Currently listening to the song Royals, I like the lyric so much: ignorance is bliss, they say.

The big news: since Jan 24th I've been wearing braces! Say happy to good teeth. My target is for the upcoming graduation next year.
Currently involved as the Vice Project Officer (candidate) for the next 37th Jazz Goes To Campus. Hopefully everything will be going smooth for this year.


So looking at this blog, my surrounding, and everything, I couldn't help but contemplate. I still have a lot to strive, a lot of homework to do. Do I go in the right direction in life?
Only time and prayer can answer I guess...

Picture Perfect Memories

I lament:

As the clock ticks
My playlist ringing on repeat
It's been a long time since you're home,
next to me.
Dusty frames rendering our smiles

Sadly the sun will eventually set,
We'll never be the same for good
The gap in my heart aches
As the memories wash in
If only the pictures could speak a thousand words

How could one miss only the memory?
When even the fairy tale in the picture is thousand miles away,
perhaps forever has ceased.

Could somebody slow down the clock?
Yesterday has never felt that far away.

mirrors

It's 3 AM in the morning and I've turned twenty for a few days.
The post is titled "Mirrors" just because it's the song I listen to at the moment.

Why am I rambling? Because it would be funny to read this months later from now, right me :D

Just googled my own name and found the fact that this blog didn't appear at all on the results! I have mixed feelings. Sad. Not sad.
Sad for the fact that I haven't updated so much that this blog has become irrelevant and not sad for the fact that this blog contains half of my life that I don't want people to know too much about (hell, then why am I still writing now)

I guess I've grown up a bit too much this year, and considering my few previous blog posts, guess everybody would know why. I'm completely taken aback reading those stuffs though. THAT, apparently, the fluctuation of life, that gets me here.

It would be damn interesting once I have the time to read my blog all over from page 1. See what's different after 5 years.

AND YEAH, I'VE GONE TO NEW YORK and an IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL BEFORE I WAS TWENTY!

Deadly Storm Light Thunder

sings Adhitia Sofyan

Would you call if me if you can
I'm waiting underneath it all
All the mess and the chaos you've caused
Now you're nowhere to be found

So tell me I'm trying to define
The meaning of unconditional love
When it puts you faced down on the ground
You're out there sailing away

And maybe a deadly storm will come and catch you
Lightning thunder will strike you
It hits your head so hard you'll come to me

It's all right I totally understand
They're greener on the other side
And the sun will shine brighter everyday

I guess that's where all the light goes

And I'm ok, I hope the best for you
Remember to go out and have fun
You could spend the day out in the ocean
I heard the water is fine out there

I guess I'll learn to come by without you
And somewhere out there I'm sure God is watching you close

But then maybe His deadly storm will come and catch you
Lightning thunder will strike you
It hits your head so hard you'll come to me

---

Funny how this song somehow rings a bell.

ashes of dreams, promises, and hope

“They've promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too.” ― Oscar Wilde

life's been grim these days. workload is fine. health is not good (just gotten into flu all over again whereas i just got better from previous flu in less than 3/4 weeks ago). and my heart a disaster.

yesterday i took a yoga class at the gym. learnt how to inhale-exhale better. this morning i woke up with a heavy heart, just to realize more that the world has been spinning against my path. practiced my yoga lesson, felt better, but skipped this morning class anyway.

lucky, this is not the worst state that i could be.

***

some friends told me to put some distance with him. no, let me refer to him as you. some told me just to move along and be persistent. yea, i could do both without the attachment. the ball and chain attached to my legs is clinging heavily on me.

one thing i've learnt is not to give promises you can keep. be persistent with your action, sync your words into it. i've learnt that another broken heart could be caused by huge disappointments after millions of fake promises... that those "i wanna be with you, and only you." was just a sugarcoated-zero-action words.

when i woke up this morning i realized how many promises have blinded me. that "i'm only busy now, next period i'm yours" is only a periodical lie with you, that next period "i'll probably just end up with a few businesses." but now "we'll see later." "please be patient with my goals." hitting the ground back after you fed me with so many incoherent promises was another story, but one thing you should know for sure, your sadness is not the only one to tell.

i think you should learn your limit. can't have everything in life all at once, baby. you know, a relationship is like growing a plant, if you don't water, fertilize, and take care of it, it dies.

i don't want any more promises, and you have proven yourself there is no long term, persistent, focused action that i can expect of you.

let me live in a world of my peace. it's the last thing you can promise me.