The title is, "Get Off Me."
"Reload!"
The song screams.
"Reload!"
The memory comes in.
"Reload!"
I picture you coming in.
Reloading in. Screaming in.
...panicking in.
...and "gravity pulled me down."
Still down at you. Still looking at you.
Now even my wall becomes your staring eyes, your familiar face
I want to run away...
I don't own the blank space in me anymore
Do not reload me
--
now, first post in 2015 has the sad tone to its face. Hello 2015! Thank God for 2014 that had passed. It has been one-TOO-fun year indeed to look back to!
Now in line are several big steps in my life: thesis, applying for a job, etc. wish me luck :')
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Sunday, August 10, 2014
fairy tales must have happy endings
Once upon a time, there were a prince and a princess, from two different lands.
They grew up as the best of friends, and fell in love with each other deeply, for they were both of the same background and age; the same kin and friendship; merry and carefree.
On many days they held the sun as if it wouldn't shine anymore on dawn, they lived free, loving each other relentlessly.
Alas, they were pampered, as if the world were theirs. Even, as often times passed by, they went--just the two of them--against the demanding world. But for there were problems, there were solutions, for there were lies, there were hurt.
Madly in love as they seemed, these obstacles put strains on them, sending the couple mad, as they were madly in love, yet madly troubled by the world.
One evening, the princess wished upon the stars, that through all the great demand of the lands she had, she could be with the prince still and all. And the prince, would love to be with her, still and all. That their love were to stand tall, and she could have the fairy tale ending, just like all other princesses before her wished upon the stars. Yet there she was, wishing upon the stars, beneath her, the crashing waves, as she was standing on the tip of the rock on the cliff top. All she had in her heart was the overflowing love, yet buried down in her mind was the frightening thought of the world behind her. The judging and harsh world that had so often made her questioned her own words and options, and most miserably, thoughts. Didn't they say your thoughts and fantasies are your biggest power?, she thought again.
What she didn't know was the true mind of the prince. It bothered her to the extreme, as she actually had pulled great effort to share to the very least bit of her thoughts, that he acclaimed to know her so well, yet to her, the prince's true thoughts lied in the depth of mystery. All she knew that he loved her, but that wasn't the only case, as the cruel world turned to demand so much more than love.
That night, after wishing upon the stars, she tumbled down in her sleep to a long and deep tunnel with memories playing around her. It made her refused the Gods to wake her up, as she found comfort within her exquisite dreams. The princess found happiness in her own memories, without the world demanding against her.
And she ain't no sleeping beauty. There she was, sleeping still.
They grew up as the best of friends, and fell in love with each other deeply, for they were both of the same background and age; the same kin and friendship; merry and carefree.
On many days they held the sun as if it wouldn't shine anymore on dawn, they lived free, loving each other relentlessly.
Alas, they were pampered, as if the world were theirs. Even, as often times passed by, they went--just the two of them--against the demanding world. But for there were problems, there were solutions, for there were lies, there were hurt.
Madly in love as they seemed, these obstacles put strains on them, sending the couple mad, as they were madly in love, yet madly troubled by the world.
One evening, the princess wished upon the stars, that through all the great demand of the lands she had, she could be with the prince still and all. And the prince, would love to be with her, still and all. That their love were to stand tall, and she could have the fairy tale ending, just like all other princesses before her wished upon the stars. Yet there she was, wishing upon the stars, beneath her, the crashing waves, as she was standing on the tip of the rock on the cliff top. All she had in her heart was the overflowing love, yet buried down in her mind was the frightening thought of the world behind her. The judging and harsh world that had so often made her questioned her own words and options, and most miserably, thoughts. Didn't they say your thoughts and fantasies are your biggest power?, she thought again.
What she didn't know was the true mind of the prince. It bothered her to the extreme, as she actually had pulled great effort to share to the very least bit of her thoughts, that he acclaimed to know her so well, yet to her, the prince's true thoughts lied in the depth of mystery. All she knew that he loved her, but that wasn't the only case, as the cruel world turned to demand so much more than love.
That night, after wishing upon the stars, she tumbled down in her sleep to a long and deep tunnel with memories playing around her. It made her refused the Gods to wake her up, as she found comfort within her exquisite dreams. The princess found happiness in her own memories, without the world demanding against her.
And she ain't no sleeping beauty. There she was, sleeping still.
Monday, July 28, 2014
sucker for romance
I didn't notice that I had people reading this blog up until these past few days. Fortunately some people took the great length to read my writings, yeay? (insert "Phew" emoticon here).
Truth be told, this blog is so full of Is that I kinda start thinking of how much selfishness I've poured out this past few years. That, or the fact that it is so normal to have so many Is in your own journal slash written thoughts. Yeah. To point out my justification (for my own good), apparently some little piece of selfishness is needed here and there on your own space, especially when this world is already full of selfishness on its own. It becomes legit that your thoughts and fantasies are your biggest power.
Anyway,
this post is titled that just because I feel like it, as usual, ditto. I'm a sucker for romance, that I would admit. Even since the beginning of time, my thoughts everywhere are merely about these intense romances.
What's the matter now?
The matter is, ever since the beginning of time, I have been a (not so hopeless) romantic. I have often become so consumed in doing things sweetly that I'd rather not go the extra mile of effort than do it not overly sweet. And like all normal human beings are, we are so often selfish and self-centered, thus we often crave something more in the on-goings of life. And like all the on-goings are, so are my efforts in doing these extra miles. I become self-consumed in the hope of giving and--sometimes--receiving back. This is when and where it all often goes wrong. Pardon my lunatic use of "all" but "often", but I am not always expecting a feedback. But when I do, it drives the fantasy of this sucker for romance crazy for that moment of speaking (therefore, this is, again, exaggerating, really, I can and will always move on later).
So...
If you know you can learn from this sucker, guess you'd better do, quickly.
If you happen to know another sucker for romance like this human being whose writing you are reading, you'd better give them a favor by giving back that extra mile they took for you.
...and try, always try seeing things from the eye of this romantic lunatic, because the world then can appear much sweeter, really! Just imagine if everybody is honest with everybody, everybody helps everybody, and everybody being sweet with their loved ones :)
such a heavy thought to pour in the midst of the night.
Truth be told, this blog is so full of Is that I kinda start thinking of how much selfishness I've poured out this past few years. That, or the fact that it is so normal to have so many Is in your own journal slash written thoughts. Yeah. To point out my justification (for my own good), apparently some little piece of selfishness is needed here and there on your own space, especially when this world is already full of selfishness on its own. It becomes legit that your thoughts and fantasies are your biggest power.
Anyway,
this post is titled that just because I feel like it, as usual, ditto. I'm a sucker for romance, that I would admit. Even since the beginning of time, my thoughts everywhere are merely about these intense romances.
What's the matter now?
The matter is, ever since the beginning of time, I have been a (not so hopeless) romantic. I have often become so consumed in doing things sweetly that I'd rather not go the extra mile of effort than do it not overly sweet. And like all normal human beings are, we are so often selfish and self-centered, thus we often crave something more in the on-goings of life. And like all the on-goings are, so are my efforts in doing these extra miles. I become self-consumed in the hope of giving and--sometimes--receiving back. This is when and where it all often goes wrong. Pardon my lunatic use of "all" but "often", but I am not always expecting a feedback. But when I do, it drives the fantasy of this sucker for romance crazy for that moment of speaking (therefore, this is, again, exaggerating, really, I can and will always move on later).
So...
If you know you can learn from this sucker, guess you'd better do, quickly.
If you happen to know another sucker for romance like this human being whose writing you are reading, you'd better give them a favor by giving back that extra mile they took for you.
...and try, always try seeing things from the eye of this romantic lunatic, because the world then can appear much sweeter, really! Just imagine if everybody is honest with everybody, everybody helps everybody, and everybody being sweet with their loved ones :)
such a heavy thought to pour in the midst of the night.
Friday, July 11, 2014
dumber than dumb
As if I weren't as dumb as donkeys, I stood tall admitting that I wouldn't have had fallen to the same hole
The same hole that cripples me
But here it comes, here it goes, the big hole
...and I'm falling to the same mistake, dangling in the air, to the same bottom all over again
Disattachment is best.
The same hole that cripples me
But here it comes, here it goes, the big hole
...and I'm falling to the same mistake, dangling in the air, to the same bottom all over again
Disattachment is best.
Monday, June 02, 2014
let's be brutally honest
Hi blog, been missing you for long.
I'm currently updating from a very random place on a sunny, good morning :)
Listened to the song Reload from my headset, and can't help not to reflect on how my life has been going like a roller coaster these past few months!
To name a few, I just slept only for good 2,75 hours last night, to wake up so early this morning, do some papers, work on my project on 10 AM, and the list goes on... Lol
MEANWHILE,
Even being a roller coaster ride, life can't get any more fun! One random thought: just realized how much I've grown up from a kissing memory. Lol I know how vulgar it is to post it online. But you just know you just get older when your kisses now involve more booze and less consciousness.
Another random thought: I am now older because I (can) drink black coffee for breakfast. A few years back that would be a laughable fact.
And last but not least, me being brutally honest as usual, I am in love again :) Let's hope for the best. I am tired of heartbreaks, losing people from my life, and starting over again. Let this lasts. I know how cliche that may sound, but after all this time.......
Amen.
I'm currently updating from a very random place on a sunny, good morning :)
Listened to the song Reload from my headset, and can't help not to reflect on how my life has been going like a roller coaster these past few months!
To name a few, I just slept only for good 2,75 hours last night, to wake up so early this morning, do some papers, work on my project on 10 AM, and the list goes on... Lol
MEANWHILE,
Even being a roller coaster ride, life can't get any more fun! One random thought: just realized how much I've grown up from a kissing memory. Lol I know how vulgar it is to post it online. But you just know you just get older when your kisses now involve more booze and less consciousness.
Another random thought: I am now older because I (can) drink black coffee for breakfast. A few years back that would be a laughable fact.
And last but not least, me being brutally honest as usual, I am in love again :) Let's hope for the best. I am tired of heartbreaks, losing people from my life, and starting over again. Let this lasts. I know how cliche that may sound, but after all this time.......
Amen.
Sunday, March 09, 2014
locked out of heaven
Never had much faith in love or miracles
Never wanna put my heart on the line
But swimming in your water is something spiritual
I'm born again every time you spend the night
'Cause you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah, you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Been busy having the time of my life. Living high on the line baby! Life is scrumptiously awesome! My friends are fuckin' awesome!!!
Never wanna put my heart on the line
But swimming in your water is something spiritual
I'm born again every time you spend the night
'Cause you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah, you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Been busy having the time of my life. Living high on the line baby! Life is scrumptiously awesome! My friends are fuckin' awesome!!!
Monday, January 27, 2014
ignorance is bliss
Hello there again, blog.
Currently listening to the song Royals, I like the lyric so much: ignorance is bliss, they say.
The big news: since Jan 24th I've been wearing braces! Say happy to good teeth. My target is for the upcoming graduation next year.
Currently involved as the Vice Project Officer (candidate) for the next 37th Jazz Goes To Campus. Hopefully everything will be going smooth for this year.
So looking at this blog, my surrounding, and everything, I couldn't help but contemplate. I still have a lot to strive, a lot of homework to do. Do I go in the right direction in life?
Only time and prayer can answer I guess...
Currently listening to the song Royals, I like the lyric so much: ignorance is bliss, they say.
The big news: since Jan 24th I've been wearing braces! Say happy to good teeth. My target is for the upcoming graduation next year.
Currently involved as the Vice Project Officer (candidate) for the next 37th Jazz Goes To Campus. Hopefully everything will be going smooth for this year.
So looking at this blog, my surrounding, and everything, I couldn't help but contemplate. I still have a lot to strive, a lot of homework to do. Do I go in the right direction in life?
Only time and prayer can answer I guess...
