ashes of dreams, promises, and hope

“They've promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too.” ― Oscar Wilde

life's been grim these days. workload is fine. health is not good (just gotten into flu all over again whereas i just got better from previous flu in less than 3/4 weeks ago). and my heart a disaster.

yesterday i took a yoga class at the gym. learnt how to inhale-exhale better. this morning i woke up with a heavy heart, just to realize more that the world has been spinning against my path. practiced my yoga lesson, felt better, but skipped this morning class anyway.

lucky, this is not the worst state that i could be.

***

some friends told me to put some distance with him. no, let me refer to him as you. some told me just to move along and be persistent. yea, i could do both without the attachment. the ball and chain attached to my legs is clinging heavily on me.

one thing i've learnt is not to give promises you can keep. be persistent with your action, sync your words into it. i've learnt that another broken heart could be caused by huge disappointments after millions of fake promises... that those "i wanna be with you, and only you." was just a sugarcoated-zero-action words.

when i woke up this morning i realized how many promises have blinded me. that "i'm only busy now, next period i'm yours" is only a periodical lie with you, that next period "i'll probably just end up with a few businesses." but now "we'll see later." "please be patient with my goals." hitting the ground back after you fed me with so many incoherent promises was another story, but one thing you should know for sure, your sadness is not the only one to tell.

i think you should learn your limit. can't have everything in life all at once, baby. you know, a relationship is like growing a plant, if you don't water, fertilize, and take care of it, it dies.

i don't want any more promises, and you have proven yourself there is no long term, persistent, focused action that i can expect of you.

let me live in a world of my peace. it's the last thing you can promise me.